Anatomy of a Painting

Cassandra/Self Portrait of the Artist as a young Girl

oil on canvas, 62 by 78 cm, 2023

In 2021, I began making a series of studies of the works of Velázquez. As I begun this particular work, which I then titled 'The Infante,' I reused a 2018 painting on linen that depicted the Statue of Liberty. Probably significant that I painted her over the Statue of Liberty also, considering the constraints on the freedom of women to carve their own futures I'm addressing here. I decided to repurpose the canvas, drawing inspiration from not only Velázquez (the wide peplum dress in La Infanta Margarita, portraits of her were sent to Vienna to inform Leopold of what his young fiancée looked like) but also from Klimt (the stance of Mäda Primavesi) and Camille Claudel (sculpture La Petite Châtelaine). Throughout this process, I wanted to explore the theme of the socialization of girls, incorporating elements from these artists to convey my message. It became more personal along the way.

The project evolved through several stages, with the first 'finished' stage featuring a girl, dressed in a yellow gown that reminded me of Charlotte Perkins Gilman's 1892 novel, "The Yellow Wallpaper," an important early work of American feminist literature for its illustration of the attitudes towards mental and physical health of women in the 19th century. However, I felt that this image wasn't quite bold enough in what I wished to convey about my own youth's circumstances.  I then decided  to paint the background in red, which ultimately led to the final result.

To me, the painting unintentionally grew to feel like a self-portrait, even though the head is that of La Petite Châtelaine, a sculpture by Camille Claudel, who found herself confined in an asylum by her brother and never sculpted again. Perhaps I identify with that aspect of her as an artist who had her creative growth stunted. As a child, I experienced an isolated upbringing and was denied the opportunity to attend art school due to restrictive parenting. I was not allowed to play with other children or have friends over to our house. Despite receiving praise during an art class from a nun who encouraged me to nurture my talent, I was expected to pursue more conventional subjects for a stable career, which led me to study mathematics. I never rebelled against these constraints, the thought never even entered my mind.  

In the final work, I can find echoes of this upbringing. While I'm painted with an open mouth -screaming, shouting, singing?- there is no sound coming out, I remain silent. My inner world has always been vibrant and filled with color, as I spent my time reading, drawing, and teaching myself to paint at home. This was my refuge, a totally solitary path of self-discovery. No wonder I am still extremely introverted, while I'm just as much extravert in my paintings.

This work feels like such a good fit as book cover for Alice Miller's 'Drama of the Gifted Child' to me? I'd welcome such an offer~

Statement:
​Silenced Whispers captures the impact of restrictive parenting on the artistic spirit, offering a visual reflection on the untapped potential and stifled creativity that result from unfulfilled artistic aspirations. This introspective portrait portrays a young girl who is trapped within the confines of societal expectations, her artistic voice silenced before it had a chance to bloom.

​The portrait hopefully can challenge viewers, to reevaluate the societal constructs that hinder the development of creative expression, which is detrimental for the culture in general. It may remind us of the importance of fostering an environment that nurtures and supports artistic growth.